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RCC Spotlight: Peace Report #3 SS: #84: The Thin Line TS: #39: Who Remembers Crash? OTC: Smackdown Grades for 11/27/03 RRC: 11/24/03
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The Oratory RAW Review Crew: 12/01/03
by: The Raw Review Crew on: 12/3/2003 11:40 am est The Oratory RAW Recap for 12/01/03  How ya doin'? As always, my name is drqshadow and I'm here to waste a couple paragraphs with routine explanation, run through the quick little shuffle of introduction and play virtual ringmaster for this here production of the Oratory RAW Review Crew. Yeaaah, you see how I made all that rhyme? That's 'cause I'm freestylin', y'all. Shit yeah. Call your momma. Tell her I'm using WAY too many apostrophes. Well, as always I've arrived here to do my super-sexy shuffle under the spotlight in front of you, to distract the masses while the crew gets this show ready to go on the road, and tell you all about our featured players. You should all know their names by now... hell, you should be reciting them every morning in the bathtub. You know I'm talking about Adam Karabel, about Corey Morgan, I'm chatting in reference to Mr. Jon Tyler, speaking about Brett Berliner and Sweet Sir Samir. And you also know we've each got a word or two to share about last night's show. You just KNOW it. That's why you're here, isn't it? Yeah, I was SURE I'd seen you before. Don't try to hide, because we aren't exactly shaking up the status quo this week. As always, we're going to take turns telling you, one by one, just what we thought of last night's broadcast of WWE's flagship program, RAW. It's all in CAPS because it's IMPORTANT. We'll wheel, we'll deal and when we're all ready to go home we'll reveal. Our grade, that is. We'll reveal our grade. OK, yeah, that wasn't really all that smooth. Anyway, when we've finished flapping our gums, we're going to give the show a score, on the scale of one to ten. If an RRC member gives the show a ten, he loved it. He licked it. He wants to marry it. A ten is the single greatest thing you can ever say about anything. It's magical, a ray of sunlight in the middle of a rainy day. It's as if eating a mushroom could make you grow to an enormous size, and touching a special flower could make you spit fireballs. You know you've dreamt about it for years, and now it's become reality. On the other hand, a show worthy of the slimy grade of one (or below) is rotten to the core, it's nasty. It's the worst thing you've ever seen. It's as if eating a mushroom could cause internal bleeding and swelling (often leading to death). It's as if touching a special flower really COULD make you spit fireballs, but it couldn't manage to line the interior of your throat with fire-resistant material. So that, every time you tried to breath, you barfed up an esophagus-scorching, lung-withering, windpipe-flambeing chunk of fiery hell on earth. And there's no known cure. So, in summary; ten = all the great things about the fantasy world of "Super Mario Bros", while one = all the horrible things that would happen if that damned game were set in semi-reality. Up first this week is the man that gave you the hula hoop, Mr. Jon Tyler: Jon: "I was amused to recently read one forum member describe me as an 'enigma' in reference to my RRC grades. The comment seemed out of place considering that I've graded Raw consistently low since I joined the RRC, with only three above average exceptions: the first was when two major happenings (Steiner's long overdue heel turn and a fantastic RVD vs Christian ladder match) caused me to bump my score up significantly, the second was when the WWE gave away four potential PPV encounters on free TV, and the most recent was last week when... when... well, when I honestly felt that the WWE resembled its old self. I felt like a fan again, rather than somebody habitually nursing a dying loved one. Intrigue was on the rampage, leading the way for enjoyable storylines, terrific talent, and two strong main events to shine. As I finish typing this introduction just minutes before the latest episode of Raw is due to start, I really hope that can be built upon tonight. Two hours later and I'm still not sure to what extent it was. GOD IS BACK! Raw could hardly have opened with more promise when one of my (and everyone else's) favourite wrestlers of all time returned to take over from Austin as co-GM. What made it all the more enjoyable was that I had absolutely no idea it was coming, seeing as how the last we heard was that Foley had just entered negotiations to wrestle at WrestleMania XX! Unfortunately, my elation was short lived. His return wasn't anywhere near as impressionable as I had hoped it would be. No hard hitting promo, no insight into why he would return to a post that he formerly vacated because of a lack of passion, nothing but some trivial matchmaking to accentuate the usual cliches. In fact, how he was used represented the entire theme of Raw: A Night For The Marks That wasn't a problem in itself. Sometimes it can be a nice change of pace to dedicate a show purely to cheap gratification. The problem is that this wasn't the way it should have been done. Not going into a PPV in which fans are expected to pay for the kind of gratification they basically got for free tonight. And not so haphazardly. The Jericho/Trish and Christian/Lita relationships were the reason to watch Raw going into tonight. Now the whole plot has been abruptly summarised in one backstage segment, when it could have gripped viewers for months. Coach vs Lawler seemed to bore the live audience as much as it did me, since the outcome was so predictable that there was little reason to emotionally invest in the match itself. Stacy followed yet another male wrestler's orders when she obligingly performed the spinneroonie for Booker. Foley cut the kind of bullshit patriotic promo that has become a fixture on Raw recently. Bischoff met socko. So many cheap pops. How ironic that they all came on the night that the puppeteer of cheap pops made his return. They certainly weren't all bad, but it was just a shame that their abundance ended up overshadowing more... Compelling Programming Fortunately, there was a lot of nice advancement from last week. The main example of that came from two of my favourite young talents, Cade and Jindrak, when their cheating tactics ultimately cost them the tag team titles. Their shot against the Dudleys had been built up nicely for weeks, albeit subtly, and I'm loving the ambiguous nature of the feud. For me, the Dudleys are SO the heels, with their obsession with respect clearly getting in the way of the elevation of young talent (which is basically what the internet complained about when Undertaker and the like reportedly prevented WCW talent from progressing in the invasion angle), and the keen youngsters' reactions are totally understandable. Their match tonight was highly entertaining, and made me heavily anticipate the rematch. That's what the WWE should be aiming for. I must also pay tribute to Batista's development, who by now has convinced me that he is actually talented, and not just a product of good writing. Let's hope the rumours of him stealing the unproven Orton's big push are true. And speaking of big men who have benefited tremendously from good writing, I'm finding myself reluctantly warming to Goldberg as world champion. I'll never be a fan of the guy, but it's great to see him developing into a really strong champ who seems to have turned down the invincibility meter for his feud with Kane, and so is still incredibly strong as champ, but now realistically so. Unfortunately, his enthralling beat down on Kane tonight only served as a reminder of how unnecessary HHH's involvement in their match at Armageddon is. In fact, this seems like a good time for my... Armageddon Whine Last week I showed faith by giving the WWE another week to get me excited about Armageddon. Well, time's up, and things have actually grown worse! The concept of a main event triple threat match is bad enough, since they rarely draw as much as single battles do, but there is just absolutely no need for HHH to be involved. I'm not even going to scream politics on this one, but others simply need their chance in the main event scene for a while, just to freshen things up. Even if Kane vs Goldberg next week is marred by HHH interference and therefore sets up an eventual rematch between the two monsters at Royal Rumble, there's no reason why the battle can't be done at Armageddon, which will undoubtedly need the buyrates more than the Rumble. The undercard doesn't help matters. Every single match has a 'token feud' feel, and one of them has already been played out several times recently! Indeed, I found it interesting that Henry attacked Booker after it was he who cleanly won what seemed like the blow off match to their mini feud last week, though I fear his attack was more to set up their convenient match for Armageddon than to produce refreshing programming. In Brief... I was glad to see attention paid to Bischoff and Linda's past, even though their phone 'conversation' was also a reminder of how stupid it is that Bischoff still has a job... It's funny how Coach's disingenuous heel act is exactly the same as how he acted as a supposedly enthusiastic face... Why were the commentators surprised that Stacy was cheering against Test? Didn't they notice when she did the same last week? Or the week before? Or how about the week before that? Or ... ah hell, I just want some damn progression... How many times has Vince's ass club been mentioned since its inception? Some things should be allowed to rest in peace. I hope Torrie comes to realise that too... The Storm/Venis team has potential, but PLEASE drop the gimmick! No wrestler has looked as out of place in a gimmick as Storm does since William 'he's a man's man' Regal... Anyone else find it ironic that a 'USA' chant was started in the Storm/Venis vs La Resistance match, when the only American was Rob Conway?!... I made a cup of tea (yes, that's all us Brits drink) during the Trish/Jericho vs Rico/Jackie match, but was convinced I didn't miss anything upon returning only to see Jackie fuck up when swinging a punch that didn't even come close to connecting. Why exactly is she allowed in the ring? And please don't try telling me that her fellow Tough Enough winner, Shaniqua, is any better. My forum friend Big E tried to until we went to watch Survivor Series together and I explained that all she ever did at ringside was shout 'come on' to her team. He didn't believe me, so I started counting every time she said it. He was soon convinced when she uttered nothing but those same mundane words seven times in the next 30 seconds... It amused me that Bischoff demanded to speak to Foley 'alone', only to shout into a microphone in front of thousands! Yes, I am easily amused. All in all, this was a satisfying night of action, though one which I'm sure will have gone down a lot better with marks than with anybody who looks for more than cheap pops in a wrestling program. From the opening segment in which Foley returned, through all his firings, through the crowd pleasing antics of other superstars, and right until the closing segment in which Foley introduced Mr Bischoff to Mr Socko, this was clearly a show intended to be fan pleasing. Unfortunately, that's just not for me. It gets points for continuing much of the promise that Raw has shown in recent weeks, and laying the groundwork for that to continue with the return of a true legend, but it ultimately failed to rise above average because of its unsatisfying obsession with cheap gratification, which was made all the more unsatisfying when the numerous firings throughout the show were revealed as nothing but disappointing hoaxes. An etertaining episode, but ultimately unsatisfying." Up next, Big Shizzam Sam... which you can reach at samir316@hotmail.com. Samir: "The last person who should use the words in brief is probably JT. JT, I love him as much as the next guy, he's a great writer and to he honest, probably the best on the Oratory, but he's anything but "brief". Not a critique, just an observation. As for being a consistently low grader, I believe someone else around these parts has cornered the market on that. Ok, now onto serious things. How did I find Raw tonight? Well, I thought it was a pretty watchable show, but there was tons of Billy Gunn'age everywhere. Now you're asking me what I mean by that, well, let's harken back to a time when WWE programming was still consistently watchable, that being 2001. The scene some time after King of the Ring, and the winner of said tourney is none other than Toronto's own, Edge. Edge promises not to "Billy Gunn" his reign as king, i.e., not to screw it up and turn it into an utter disappointment the way Billy Gunn did when he won the King of the Ring in 1999. If you've been following my analogy, you probably have noticed that I've foreshadowed myself saying that Raw was full of disappointment. If that's the case, you're correct. 
KOTR 1999? You gotta be kiddin' me The Love Stories As JT noted, the reason to watch Raw was to see what further developments would happen in the parallel sagas of Jericho & Stratus and Lita & Christian. You know, to be honest, up until this point, the story has been following the loose template of a Shakespearean comedy, right down to the MAIN PLOT (Benedict & Beatrice) paralleled by a very similar subplot (Claudio & Hero). Hey, if you're going to resemble someone in literature, even if it's probably 100% unintentional, Shakespeare isn't a bad choice. Shakespeare was a master of plot twists, of introducing sabotage and misunderstandings, of taking a simple idea and stringing it out over 4 acts. Given that, I suppose the great amount of intrigue that the writers have developed over this angle was probably due to luck and thus not sustainable in the long-run. Last night, we had some great suspense built as Trish early on admits that she is going to give up the goods to Jericho that night. So, we're thinking, when is the other shoe going to drop, when are we going to find out what Jericho's true intentions are. Were it a great story, this would lead to a climax and then a denouement. Or, in other words, 2 more acts of suspense and reader intrigue, as characters would reveal only bits and parts of the puzzle. Last night, the angle blew its collective cum loads down our throats and forced us to swallow. Not only did we get that it's a bet, but we got Trish over-hearing it that same night. Headed in this direction, we should expect a culmination within 2 weeks, which is very sad. CAVEAT EMPTOR FOR MY ASSESSMENT: If the plan is to make this like a Hollywood movie, rather than to push Jericho's sliminess into yet another layer of the atmosphere, I'd be ok with something like Trish confronting Jericho about what she over-heard and Jericho admitting something like "It was a bet, but the feelings were real" or some such thing. I mean, that formula surely worked for one or two candy corn movies that I can think of, and at least it would introduce a 2nd twist in a story, something that Raw has been sorely lacking. So, this could still be pulled out of the fire, in my view, but I'd be remiss not to mention the gloomy clouds for this angle on the horizon. This, of course, is not even including the fact that Jericho and Christian revealed their master plan in front of a camera. As Keller points out, that's just lazy story-telling. Not to belabor, but there just so many ways to do it better. Using F-View TV would have worked much better (still would have blown the load, but at least they wouldn't look like idiots in the process!) or hell, they could have had Trish give up the goods and reveal F-View footage NEXT WEEK to really drive home the sliminess of the heels here. You know, they even went to the trouble of making Jericho work as a face in his match tonight, letting the fans cheer him for once, and then they swiped the rug out from under our feet. Ok, if I don't stop talking about it now, I'm going to spend my entire section on this angle. Return of the Mick I'm really not down with this. I think Mick Foley's presence as commish is a lose/lose situation. On the one hand, he can do what he did in his last comeback and that's cut a few money promos, put 2 people over (Orton and HHH) at once, and totally outclass any performer he goes near with his talent, thus demonstrating that Raw's roster is, in fact, weaker than it was before the split and making us all wonder why we're still watching if the best they can do is John Heidenreich. On the other hand, if he doesn't involuntarily steal the show, he'll be useless. Like tonight, he came out, did a bit of talking, pushed angles along in a way that pretty much anyone else could have, and, in the process, started killing his mystique way before Wrestlemania 20 rolls around. If it's a regular role, he won't feel special anymore, he'll just be seen as another guy on the show. And it's disappointing, because it's Foley, and like Flair, you don't want to see him out there cutting bland promos, you want to see him out there cutting loose! And yes, as JT pointed out, character motivation goes right out the window here. Why did he leave? Why did he come back? Oh, I know why. It's because ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE WWE... including Necrophilia. Mick's return was Billy Gunn'ed. Raw isn't a Wrestling Show I've decided not to comment on matches on Raw anymore. Generally, they're all the same, very basic "going through the motions" type of fluff that doesn't even qualify as "garden variety wrestling" anymore, more like "stale mega-warehouse retail outlet variety wrestling". Not that I'm really bitching, we've all sort of known this for awhile, but it sort of clicked in my head tonight that I don't need to keep repeating "basic TV match..." for every thing that's out there. Therefore, the only time I'll mention matches is when they go above and beyond expectations or when they're horribly atrocious, one can't help but laugh and feel pathetic at the same time. Speaking of Horrible Matches Why is this Coach/Lawler thing playing out in the ring? They're both ANNOUNCERS, this isn't a wrestling show, so why wrestle to settle it? Wouldn't it be much more cooler if they were shown playing backstage politics with Vince for the color commentary job, or put on some island with 10 other tribespeople and told to vote each other off or something? Now, don't get me wrong, this has the potential to be an amazing story. First of all, you have Coach, an up-and-coming announcer, probably one of the more fresher heel acts (right down to his entrance music which, surprisingly, isn't GENERIMETAL). He wants to be on Raw's table and he'll do anything to get there. His opponent, the cagey old vet Jerry Lawler, a guy who knows all the ins-and-outs of the business, but whose vigor is fading. It's a classic youth vs experience story, and look at all the pieces I just laid out! IT COULD BE SUCH A GREAT STORY!! But it doesn't have to unfold in a goddam wrestling ring, especially if it's going to produce 0:30 matches that end on quite possibly the only top rope finish that looks worse than The People's Elbow for credibility. The whole feud is slowing being Billy Gunn'ed. Storm The Pimp, Part 234564 What started with Goldust and is now persisting with the help of Mr. Venis is the "charismification" ( © Samir, 2003) of Lance Storm. The problem is, they don't want to pull the trigger with anything on the guy, it's just lame skits week after week that are funny on their own, but collectively, don't really go anywhere. It doesn't even really count as a story, it's just a collection of blurbs. Whereas Jericho's love story is proceeding a little too quickly, I think this thing with Storm is just dragging now. I'd like to see him finally get something right, not something small, but something major. It could lead to major freak action, him venturing out on his own, I dunno, SOMETHING. PLEASE ADVANCE THE STORY. I mean, right now, he's just stagnating and eventually this whole thing will get old, if it hasn't for everyone else like it has gotten for me. Lance's gimmick is being Billy Gunn'ed. Over-All Yeah, I skipped a lot of stuff. I don't care, none of it moved me in the least. If I'd have written about it, you'd have skipped those parts of the review because it would be uninspired. I really don't give a crap about these rookies, except for perhaps Maven, and that's because other shows (Tough Enough, Confidential) actually took time to bring out his character. This whole Test/Stacy/Steiner angle is just horrible stuff to watch, mostly because of the bad acting. The rest is your usual Raw filler. In my review, I picked out 2 major story-lines, 1 minor-one and the re-debut of supposedly one of the greatest legends of the modern era. In each one, I humbly found much Billy Gunn'age, which underscored the basic theme of the night in my view. I would have to say there was a lot done right, and a lot done badly. Things got off on the right foot in a lot of cases and then just tailed off faster than a 14-year-old boy "oiling his glove" in the bathroom (Storm's charisma could have gotten over like Head Cheese, now it's going nowhere!). Still, it was a hell of a lot better than September and October's editions of Raw, 2 months of television that have probably scared me for life. Before I go, I'd like to give a shout out to the WEEKEND HEROES crew over in our forums. Every week, they do what we do, i.e., recap shows. Except they do the boring-ass weekend shows like Heatlocity that no-one ever watches. If you're not part of that no-one, check out their latest dig right HERE Up next, the proud owner of an alliterate name, Mr. Brett Berliner. Take it away, Brett. Brett: "Watching RAW at 3:00 in the morning? Bad, very bad. Unavoidable, of course, because I spent most of the evening in the computer lab or fixing errors from my team's program at home. Likely? I'm going to overrate or underrate this edition of WWE RAW, but either way.. here goes nothing, huh? GOLDBERG WANTS KANE AND TRIPLE H! He won't get them, yet. Bet he won't get them.. bet... he has to wait. Eric Bischoff says so. He also says RAW is his, and to interrupt.. it's.. MICK FOLEY! Okay, let's stop for a second and analyze this. One of the best wrestlers of all time is back to use his awesome mic skills.. getting ready to participate in Wrestlemania. He was unannounced and I didn't know until I saw his face on the screen he was coming back for sure. This. Fucking. Rules. Too bad he's back with a petition to get Austin back on the show. Apparently, Linda brought him back and he can change RAW how he feels. So.. he's the new co-GM. Okay, this I can deal with. FOLEY! FOLEY! FOLEY! Cade & Jindrak vs. The Dudley Boyz Short but sweet. Well, not sweet, but bittersweet. On one hand.. they're trying something with the tag divison, giving two up and comers a shot at the titles. On the other hand, they probably won't win, and the Dudleys suck. Ugh. Cade tries to cheat for the win, but D-Von successfully cheats for the win. What is this, Los Guerreros/Team Angle from earlier this year? Please. And why are Al Snow and the Coach down with Cade & Jindrak? Whatever. Foley makes Lawler/Coachman for tonight.. and Coach is FIRED if he loses. FIRED. Whoopdedoo. Booker T vs. Test Again, real short. Probably only two minutes long.. too bad. I'd be interested in what these two could do together. After the match, Stacy does a spinarooni of her own. Nice. Worst one ever, but, still, you know... nice. Mizark Hizenry interrupts our happily racial mismatched couple #19 and beats the Bookerman up. Sigh. Christian and Jericho's women are backstage discussing Jericho. Lita.. gives Trish a Jericho action figure. It's not vibrator shaped, so I don't get it. Why didn't Trish just get one from Jericho, I'm sure he's got a ton of comp figures. She swoons over Y2J, and shows off a hockey jersey that says Jericho. She's going to give it up tonight! And not the jersey! Hmm. I'd pay money to see Trish wearing that jersey. Just that jersey, nothing else. Batista and Orton with Ms. PMS. Batista runs down HBK.. his voice is SO NOT SUPER ROID VOICE. Work on the deepening, my son, the deepening. Steiner tries to make Stacy kiss their asses. LITERALLY. Heh. Foley cockblocks and fires Steiner and Test, freeing Stacy. Bet they'll be back. I just bet.. and.. ho! After the commercial, they get Bischoff to help them get their jobs back. Continuity. Venis and the Penis vs. La Resistance Uhm, what? I turned away for like five seconds and this was over. That's too bad.. this could have been VERY good. Conway and Dupree are both gonna be HUGE some day. Just not yet. Especially Conway. Foley makes them recite the Pledge of Allegiance, but Conway mumbles it and Dupree doesn't know it. They get fired. So many firings! Is this a major brand shakeup, or what? Trish and Jericho vs. Jackie and Rico They put Trish Stratus and Jackie Gayda in a tag match together? What the fuck ever. But, uh, huh? What happened? This was good? How? Rico.. Rico.. this guy, he is getting back to his OVW self. Some of his moves.. his offense.. he is good. He is very good. And Trish got most of the offense when she and Jackie were in the ring.. the smart thing to do. Jericho was Jericho. And... HEY! Jackie fell forward this time to the Stratusfaction! SUWHEET! Good, good, good. Good. Very good. I enjoyed this greatly. Next.. but with a smile. Matt Hardy vs. Christian Hey, two of my favorites. Another good match on RAW? What the crap? Seriously. Made sense storyline wise, and it looks like these two might be facing off at the P-P-V. Heel vs. heel? Works in the oWa. Jerry Lawler vs. The Coach Ugh. Three moves, and it's over. Maybe two, I don't know. Coach is fired. Theme tonight? Firing. It's not going to stick, he'll show up on Smackdown or come back next week. Blah. Mr. Trish and Mr. Lita are discussing their women. Christian thinks he's going to nail Lita first and Jericho's sure he'll nail Trish first. They up their bet a dollar... CANADIAN. Ha. Trish overhears, and runs off crying. You know what, though? Everyone is aghast at how quickly they blew off this angle. And that's the thing.. we don't know it's over. It might continue on for three more years. Jericho might claim that there was no bet and Christian is a jerk, but his friend, so he acts like that around him. Trish might like it. I don't know. I'll give it some more time. What sucks is that Trish has a better idea that he's a jerk. If that segment had happened and Trish hadn't overhead? It would have been a lot better. Still, so far so good on this storyline, so we'll give the WWE the benefit of the doubt, huh? They've been on point with this story, so I'll assume they will continue to do so. Your maiiiiiiiiinn event...... Kane, Batista & Randy Orton vs. HBK, RVD, and JEW.. I mean, Goldberg You know who is working hard and is rocking it? Bill Goldberg. More proof is in this match. He's learned selling.. yes.. four years too late, but the way he does it is so odd that it's intriguing. He always looks about five seconds away from coming back, so it makes him look strong, but at the same time, he's selling his opponent as dangerous. I can't explain it at all.. but I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. Goldberg has been good the last couple of weeks. This main event.. was very, very good. They kept Batista, the weakest link, out of the match consistently, and when the others were in, they kept it going. The interaction between Kane and Goldberg was especially awesome, with Goldberg exploding on him and kicking some MAJOR ass. Yeah, it wasn't too much more than a wild brawl, but as far as wild brawls go.. this was top notch. Great stuff, guys. Just great. And what a way to end the show. Bischoff yells at Foley for firing everyone, and he re-hires them. And anyone else does that? Anyone else with the cheap swerve? The crowd is all over them. But Foley, they love.. and the Socko to Bischoff... You know, booking for wrestling is tough. You want to leave the faces down so that they can make this big comeback. You want the heels to look dominant so that when the faces finally do win, it's a big deal. But still.. you must appease the live crowd. When the crowd is into a show.. it gets great. It gets special. Why were Stone Cold's segments more than just awesome? They became legendary when the crowd became RABID for him. And, as such, we leave the evening with Foley on top, and people happy for once. And to me? That's a good show. Highlights: Some REALLY good matches. Really. The main event, Hardy/Christian and the Canadian Couple vs. Jackie and Rico were all excellent. Storylines were furthered, and Kane/Goldberg next week? I am THERE. Oh. Mick Foley came back? OH FUCK YEAH. Lowlights: Not everything was perfect. Booker and Test deserved more time, and so did La Rez vs. Storm and Val. Coach/Lawler was pretty bad, too.. but at least short. The Verdict: Very good show. I'm not sure that it's better overall than the last few weeks.. but in terms of the main event and the top storylines, we're getting stuff which is light years better than stuff like Nash/HHH and Goldberg/HHH. Very good show continues a string of good shows for the WWE lately. Nice work, guys. Keep it up and I might start ordeing PPVs, rather than watching them for free!" Hey is that Sean Paul? Nah, it's even better, why it's Corey Morgan. Corey: "Well, here we are folks, and we seem to have entered into a streak where RAW and suck might not belong in the same sentence. (except that last one). Last night's show wasn't too bad. I think it may fall somewhere between last week's and 2 weeks ago, but it was still better than what we'd been seeing in past months. Our heavy handed tyrant Bichoff interrupts Goldbert's promo and threatens to not only fire the World Champion, but anyone else in the back that crosses him. Bischoff however, is interrupted by none other than Mick Foley, who surprises the crowd by returning to RAW to not just plug another book, but to actually take an actual place among the on-air talent! And one of the first things that Foley does, besides change the main event for tonight, is to give himself the role of Co-General Manager of RAW. Looks like things are about to get interesting. Tag Team Championship Match : Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak vs. the Dudley Boyz (c) Well, this one was short and sweet. Cade & Jindrak have been looking pretty good in recent weeks, but the Dudleys quickly showed them why the're the most decorated tag team in WWE history. Cade & Jindrak almost won it with a rollup and a handful of tights, but Dvon, showed the upstart challengers and the fans that the Dudleys aren't above a little rule breaking themselves to get the job done, as Dvon himself gets the win with his own rollup, showing the young upstart challengers how to correctly pull the tights. Our new Co-GM Foley quickly makes his presence felt by approaching Coach and Al Snow and signing a match between Coach and Jerry Lawler with the stipulation that if Coach loses, he's fired. Booker T vs. Test I'll spare you the agony of a play-by-play here. Booker T gets the win after Stacy once again interferes on behalf of Test's opponent. Afterward, Booker has Stacey do a couple of terrible spinaroonies. But of course, the purpose wasn't to show off how well Stacy can breakdance, but more to show off her legs. And show off, they did. The celebration didn't last too long, as Mark Henry ran in and drilled Booker T with a clothesline and a couple of powerslams. This has the same effect of breaking a mirror, in that we're now faced with 2 or 3 additional months of Booker T v. Mark Henry matches. Scott Steiner and Test make their way to the ring and lauch into a tirade against Stacy and prepare to humiliate her further, when our new Co-GM makes his way to the entrance ramp, and after a few choice words, fires both Test and Steiner. Now, if the show stopped right here, I'd give RAW a 10. But oh well. Val Venis and Lance Storm vs. La Resistance Mick Foley makes an appearance at the announcer's table. La Resistance looked better than usual here, while Storm and Venis are both very talented in the ring (especially Storm). The match itself wasn't anything to write home about, but the real fireworks took place afterward when after refusing to recite the Pledge of Allegiance, Foley fires both Dupree and Conway! Trish Stratus and Chris Jericho vs. Rico and Miss Jackie Trish and Jericho have been getting pretty close these past few weeks, and Trish told Lita earlier that "tonight's the night". But before pleasure, you have to go through some pain. And that consists of wrestling a match with Jackie Gayda. The segments of that match that involved Trish and Jackie were indeed painful to watch. Especially when it came to watching Trish sell the absolute weakest punches I've ever seen in my life. Not only were they weak, they never even came close to connecting! Eventually though, Trish pins Jackie and puts us out of our ministry. Matt Hardy vs. Christian I must say, Matt Hardy has blended quite well into the RAW midcard. Both guys looked good tonight with Matt getting a good heel reaction due to his feud with Lita. A distracted Christian winds up getting pinned by the Master of Mattitude after Lita is bounced around outside the ring. Jerry Lawler vs. The Coach Well, it wasn't much of a match, but I'm sure the Coach did the best he could. Lawler beat six kinds of hell out of Coachman here before finally pinning him. And due to the pre-match stipulations, Coach was (you guessed it), FIRED!. Lawler leads the crowd in a loud chourus of "Na, na, na, Na, na, na, hey, hey goodbye!". He then asks the obviously rhythm deficient Jim Ross to sing along, and after several agonizing seconds, JR finally got the song right. Backstage, we finally see the hook to the storyline between Jericho/Trish and Christian/Lita, as the guys are in the midst of a wager to see who can get their respective diva into bed first. Trish overhears this however and is distraught. We'll see how this one plays out in the coming weeks. Randy Orton, Batista and Kane vs. RVD, Shawn Michaels and Goldberg Not too bad. Even more important, was the fact that when Goldberg and Kane were in the ring together, it was actually good! Rather than a slow plodding hoss-fest, the two of them actually stepped up the pace there, and the crowd loved it. If this is what we can expect from their singles matches, it might be something worth watching. With the ref wiped out near the end, it came to our favorite Co-GM to come to the ring and count the 3 count, giving the babyfaces the victory. Afterward, Bischoff comes to ringside and berates Foley for firing so many people and congratulating him on ruining RAW. Foley explains that nobody is fired, as he had done all this to show Bischoff just how he had been with Austin gone. Foley says that he's going to start giving the fans what they want, and he starts off by pulling out Mr. Socko and nailing Bischoff with the mandible claw to close out the show. All in all, the matches weren't all that spectacular tonight, but the overall storylines were very good. Especially with Foley's surprise reappearance and the continuation of the Y2j/Christian angles among others. Intelligent conversation went out the window last night in the Oratory Forums, as the usual suspects went through their usual routine of yelling, shouting, commenting, quote-pyramiding and cackling their way through the regularly scheduled airing of WWE's Monday Night RAW. Just like I always do, I've taken the initiative here, read every single word of the thread's four hundred and fifty posts, clipped out the good parts and pasted them all together to form the ongoing "...but what did the Forums think??" portion of the RRC's marching, smiling bandwagon. If you think you've got what it takes to make the cut and want to help out with next week's episode of RAW, just head to the forums. We've always got a thread up and running, immediately prior to, during and up to a day after RAW's east-coast broadcast. The next day, I'll comb through the thread, read every last post in a dark, stormy haze and print the best of the best right here in the historic pages of the RRC. I'll then average the combined scores of each forum visitor, and include that average as a standalone grade in the RRC, right alongside the scores of Brett, Corey, Adam, Jon, Samir and myself. Though some folks might not like it, that's just another part of why we're the single greatest television review team in the World and they... well, they aren't. Read on, if you dare! --On the Opening Promo-- TheEvilIraqi: What team is that jersey for? The New York Goldbergs? Mitch Nickelson: No Vince, Foley as the substitute. This is my Christmas present. northvan: I agree with the diminished mental capacity about Vince. Arach: Hope he brings back the gavel and his little booth. --On the Tag Title Match-- duffman4164: does bubba's whole offense consist of slapping people? Myk-Miller: haha Snow said Jade and Cindrak. --On Test / Steiner / Stacy-- Roland: haha....he means they BOTH DO STACY!!!! Scott Steiner is sooo subtle. No wonder he can't get over with the masses. James IV: That interview had three people with the combined acting ability of a bottle of wood glue. Tom Cataldi: Test was freeballing. That's not cool. --On Bischoff's Conversation Partner-- Tom Cataldi: THAT SOUNDED LIKE SEAN O HAIRE. Stryfe: Who the hell said that? duffman4164: who was just talking to bischoff? Wintermute426: Who was Bischoff just talking to? --On the Mixed Tag-- Justin T: Did they NOT learn about Jackie Gayda wrestling? Mitch Nickelson: I'm sick of mixed tags, I've never seen them get it right. The refs always forget if the girls can fight with the guys or not and J.R. just complains about it. Stryfe: There's enough color coordination in that ring to make a Queer Eye cry! TheEvilIraqi: I think Jackie Gayda has found her niche as the girl who is constantly in danger of popping out of some article of clothing. Good thing, too, Terri's been ready to be put out to pasture for years. --On the Jericho / Trish and Lita / Christian Developments-- Justin T: Trish gives up the puss. TONIGHT! Best sell line ever. Mitch Nickelson: Bet? Ha!!!!! Now the heels come out! Erika: Ugh, should have figured. This storyline could have turned out 100x more interesting than that shit. slapthecow83: It's not over yet. This will keep going. Besides, Jericho will probably be all "Guys have to talk like that around each other." It'll keep going, won't it? northvan: For intelligent heels to review their plans in front of the camera is James Bond-cliche. --In General-- Roland: Why is Mizark Hizenry so sweaty? He JUST got out there! TheEvilIraqi: JR is like Goebbels: when Goebbels said that German forces "heroically defended such and such town", he meant that they were almost totally obliterated and overrun. When JR calls someone "physically intense and smashmouth", he means that they fucking suck. BeauBarker4035: Is it just me or does the Version 1 hand signal look like a modified version of "The Shocker"? ...and that's including the indescribably low number of people who voted this show to be less than average. Well... OK, the number of people who graded the show to be below the level is five isn't exactly indescribable. Actually, it's very much indescribable. It's four. No more than four people graded this show below a five on the "kick-ass-ometer." I just didn't want to rip off Chris Jericho TOO blatantly and claim that the number of folks grading on the lower end of the scale was "obscenely low" or "obesely low." So sue me for trying to be original. Jeez. So yeah, four people thought this wasn't up to par (with three of them going so far as to say this was the worst show they'd ever seen), while sixty three others were all sloppy and slobbery with glee over what they watched on the tellie last evening. All the math majors in the house, you're right... that means this week's forum grade was pulled from an average of sixty seven votes, alongside just under four hundred and fifty unique responses from the thread's start to its finish. The forums children have been notably happy over the last month... either RAW's starting to pick up steam again, or somebody's been passing around the Prozac. And with that, we've arrived at the conclusion of yet another edition of the old, faithful RRC. All the beautiful boys of the Crew have had their say and the lowly, bottom-feeding residents of the forums have made a few points of their own, as well. There's only one thing left to do, and that's to summon the almighty CALCULATOR.EXE, whisper the sweet numbers of constant opinion into his electronic, digital ears and let him tell us what the end-all, be-all, bottom line grade is for this week's show. What you're gonna see in just a few short seconds is a pair of scores; one represents the average of the RRC's regular members, sans forum input. The other represents the final, unquestioned grade for the night, the average of our readers' opinions and our own. A meeting of minds, a mutually beneficial compromise, a peaceful treaty. It's peace on earth, and you'll only find it here, on the Oratory, every single week. So, bearing that in mind, I'll say adieu and hand you on over to the number-computin' machine. Thanks for joining us, and we'll still be here this time next week.  |
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