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TJR: Respecting The Game TJR: Talking Smack for 02/26/10 (Edge/Miz) RRC: February 22nd 2010 RVW: February 23rd 2010 TJR: The Raw Deal for 02/22/10 (Three WM26 Matches Announced)
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The John Report: The Raw Deal for 03/01/10 (DX/Showmiz)
by: John C. on: 3/2/2010 2:08 am est Welcome to the Raw Deal. Check out the column I wrote about Triple H earlier on Monday. I've received a lot of great feedback on it. It's a look at his career through the years while also looking at other aspects of his history in the business as well as some questions for the future. Note: If you're looking for Commentfest you can find it by clicking RIGHT HERE. It was posted Tuesday at 8pmET. Live from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma this is the Raw Deal… I miss Jim Ross. That's what I think of when I see Raw's in OKC. Oh, and Kevin Durant is absolutely disgusting. He's one of the five best players in the NBA at the age of 21. Filthy. Shawn & Hunter begin PromoMania We start out Promomania with a promo from Shawn Michaels talking about WrestleMania. You have to love how the guy still gets these ridiculously huge pops even though he blatantly cost The Undertaker the World Title just eight days earlier. Goes to show how much people want to see Shawn/Undertaker and don't really care about Undertaker losing the shiny belt. Shawn said Undertaker's 17-0, but that nobody gave Taker a run for his money like Shawn did last year. He also talked about how the locker room (what, no catchy name for them Universe for the fans?) was full of people that doubted he could beat Undertaker at WM. He wanted somebody to meet him face to face to talk about it. Out came Triple H. Hey, I read a column about him today. Did you? Shawn was pissed off thinking that HHH doubted him. No Shawn, HHH loves you. He believes in you. He gave a nice pep talk saying that the fans and cameras don't matter, he's speaking to Shawn only. Shawn's the best ever. This is true. I liked this. They got around to the point of the whole thing being that after HBK beats Undertaker he'll still be in WWE, so the night after WM they can defend the tag titles they will win back as they get their rematch. That's a clever way of saying they don't really want to win the tag titles, but they might as well milk the DX thing for one more night. I liked the segment. Best part of the show. If it ended here 9/10. Too bad there was more to come. It was time for the awkward backstage segment with the Bella twins talking to Cheech & Chong. Cheech walked away with the Bellas while Hornswoggle came in to give Chong some Lucky Charms that were actually Psychadellic and caused the room to spin for Chong. Yes, this actually happened. I'm sure Vince thought it was great. It wasn't. Pass me the sugar. Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase ended in a countout (*1/2) This was something of a letdown. The crowd was dead for most of it with Orton getting the initial face pop, but not getting much the rest of the way. They worked about eight or nine minutes, no finishers were attempted and Rhodes interfered. Orton eventually fought them off as the heels went up the ramp like a couple of baby oil babies. We found out later it would be Orton vs. Rhodes & Dibiase next week. I'm going to assume we get a triple threat at WM although I'm not sure on that. Make no mistake about it, Orton's the face in this feud. The turn is happening. I don't know how to recap the next Cheech & Chong segment. Let's just say that Chong got him some of the sugar (the PG way of saying weed, I guess) and he was tripping out too. The comedy ensued as they thought Regal was really Eve while they thought titty dancing Masters was really Kelly. Once again, I'm sure Vince thought this was great. Is Austin the host yet? This was fucking brutal. I don't know who this appeals to. I really don't. And I have no beef with Cheech & Chong. It just didn't work. This was so chuffing dumb. (Shout out to drunken Phil!) I love the picture that said "Confrontation?" in front of images of Batista & Cena. Pass me the sugar. Jack Swagger d. Santino to qualify for MITB (SQUASH) It was over in 30 seconds with the Gutwrench Powerbomb. Poor Santino doesn't even get to threaten with the Cobra. Congrats on making Money in the Bank, Jack. You're not winning. Batista walked from the dressing room with security. I wasn't sure about Batista's look tonight. The guy's a weird dresser, isn't he? He busted out the pink shirt at the Slammy's, he's dressed like a golfing grandpa numerous times and tonight he looked like somebody out of a biker gang. I think the Disciples of Apocalypse from 1997 are going to sue him for gimmick infringement. No, I'm not making fun of the Badass Grandpa. I'm just saying his look perplexes me. Cena & Batista talked to continue PromoMania Cena came out sporting his STUPID ORANGE CRAP to deliver a promo. He didn't do his "talk real quiet before GETTING REALLY LOUD" thing. He kept it at an even level talking about how hard he's worked to get where he's at. Batista came out to explain his motivation for attacking Cena. He said he wanted Cena at WM, so he got DQ'd on purpose the week before and then sent a message to Cena afterwards. He bitched about how the WWE promotional machine picked Cena to be the face of WWE even though Batista's done just as much. He went on this speech about how they have been the biggest stars in WWE since the Attitude Era ended (what's this era called anyway?) noting that they each won major titles at WM21 (Batista beating HHH, Cena beating JBL). Batista said he doesn't care about the fans like Cena does. He cares about the money (and the ladies - he didn't say that last part). While Cena's kissing babies and hugging fat girls, Batista will be in the gym thinking about beating Cena at WrestleMania. He ended it by saying Cena can't beat him and he knows it. And I guess Batista won this Promomania showdown because his music played to end the segment. This was a good promo especially from Batista. Also, if you don't think his heel persona is better than his babyface one then you're as high as Cheech, Chong and crazy Vince McMahon combined. Heel Batista is excellent. The top three heels in WWE right now (Jericho, Punk, Batista) are as good as the company has had in a very long time. More Cheech & Chong. Dear God. Chavo was dressed in a Mariachi outfit while Carlito & Primo also had getups even though they're Puerto Rican and can't stand eachother. Yeah, who can forget that epic feud? Then Katie, Yoshi and a chicken with Santino's voice told us the pajamas pillow fight was coming up next. Brutal. Pass the sugar. MVP d. Zach Ryder to qualify for MITB (SQUASH) Got more time than the last MITB, but still only a minute long. Somebody asked me in an email if I'd rather see a house show or a Raw live. I pick a house show. Why? Because at least you get 2 hours of wrestling. With Raw, you get stuff like this. The six guys in the Money in the Bank match are Christian, MVP, Jack Swagger, Kane, Dolph Ziggler and Shelton Benjamin. Two more spots left. At this point it seems like Christian is the pick to win. Not sure who will get added. Cheech & Chong come out as the announcers put over their great job as guest hosts. Great job? What the hell did they even do? They were allegedly the guest ring announcers even though they announced nothing. Eve won some ridiculous pajama pillow fight (I have no idea) They were dressed in pajamas. Eve pinned Alicia the wedding planner. Match got more time than the two Money in the Bank matches combined. "I have no idea" is the greatest star rating I've given a match. Post match, Hornswoggle gave everybody Lucky Charms as Cole tried to prevent Lawler from eating it. That was exciting. Maybe the worst guest hosts ever. And that's saying something. Mad Dog Vachon will be the next inductee in the Hall of Fame. Way before my time. It's not a great HOF class this year, that's for sure. Vince & Bret ended PromoMania Vince came out first to suck up to Bret before introducing. Bret had a cast on his "broken leg" while Vince waited for him in the ring. During the promo, Vince talked about how this wasn't going to be Bret's goodbye. Vince had something else. He said Bret called him a World Champion liar so Vince admitted to lying, but that he was a champion at it. Or something. The best part of the segment was seeing Vince's reflection in Bret's shades. That was a cool shot. Vince talked about Bret challenging him at Mania, but Bret pointed out that his leg was broken. Vince ended up calling him a coward and kicked the crutch away. As Vince bailed from the ring, Bret said, "You want a match at WrestleMania? You got it!" Crowd popped, but not as loud as I would have hoped. This would have been great if Bret made up the injury, then attacked Vince after Vince wanted the match. Instead, we got a long segment that dragged on and on before ending with a whimper. The whole thing went about 12 minutes. The match is on at WrestleMania officially. Does this mean I'll stop getting asked if they're doing the match we've been saying would happen since the end of December? I hope so. The broken leg angle isn't helping the feud. Also, to end this segment Vince said he'll be wrestling John Cena next week. How do you counter old guys like Hogan & Flair wrestling on TNA next week? By putting a 64 year old in a match! That'll show them. I'm sure this one will be short although I'm not sure what will happen exactly. They did a plug for the HBK DVD that comes out next week. Awesome. I'm getting an advanced copy that should be here by the end of the week. It's nice having connections. Yes, I'm bragging. I'll be writing a major HBK column in a couple weeks after watching the DVD and grabbing some quotes for it. I'm excited to see the feature interview even though Michael Cole's in it. Can't win 'em all, ya know? Next week's guest host is Criss Angel. Not a huge fan. Also we get Crazy Vince vs. Cena plus Orton vs. Rhodes & Dibiase in a handicap match. The Miz & Big Show d. DX (*1/4) This DX's chance to win back the tag titles they never gave a shit about in the first place. They were working fast here because the show was about to end and they only gave the match four minutes. They did a KO spot with Hunter eating a very gentle chokeslam from Show while HBK snuck in to give Show a superkick. Michaels and Miz each got in there with HBK cleaning house. He got the vintage kip up and top rope elbow when suddenly the Undertaker's face appeared on screen. Barely moved. Just rolled his eyes into his head. Miz used that interference to roll Michaels up for the pinfall. At WrestleMania he's going to kick out of finishers, but on Raw he loses clean to a rollup in four minutes. Remember that. Or don't. Nobody's going to remember it. By the way, this was the last time DX is going to team up for a while because when Shawn comes back from summer vacation Hunter will probably be a heel. Put your glowsticks in storage, I guess. I can imagine Undertaker taking to one of his kids about this segment. Kid: "So dad, how was your day?" Taker: "Well, I got to stare at a video camera for a few seconds and I got to roll my eyes into my head." Kid: "You're such a hard worker, daddy." Taker: "It's a full day's work. A tough job. Somebody has to do it." Post match, Shawn wanted nothing to do with Hunter. As HBK left, Sheamus hopped the rail and attacked Triple H from OUT OF NOWHERE~! Sheamus gave his bicycle kick to HHH twice on the floor to KNOCK HIM THE FUCK OUT~! as he stood on top of the announce table staring down at a fallen Triple H to end the show. There you have another WrestleMania match although I thought it would have been for the WWE Title. Obviously they'd rather have the belt in the Batista/Cena feud, which is fine. Looks like the top 8 matches I wrote about back on January 25th are all going to happen at WrestleMania. Three Stars of the Show 1. Shawn Michaels - He's #1 because I'm biased and when he's on spring/summer vacation I'll miss him. 2. Maryse - Her pajamas were fantastic. 3. Kelly Kelly - Her too. 4.5 out of 10 Last week: 7 I didn't like the show very much. Last week's promo heavy show was better because the promos were simply better and more memorable. This week? Not so much. The Michaels promo to open it was very strong as was Triple H's speech to him. I thought the Batista/Cena and Hart/McMahon segments were okay although they each seemed to drag on too much. They were also very similar in that the babyface was made to look weak. The crowd also seemed very flat for the Orton/Dibiase match as they only seemed to care when Orton tried to fight off the post-match attack. The main event? I barely even noticed Miz in the match, yet he got the pin. In a two hour show, there was maybe 15 minutes of in-ring action. Not enough for my liking although if the promos were better I'd be fine with it. The guest hosts were brutal too. I'm ready for Austin on March 15. After that, if I never see another guest host again I'll be a happy Raw review. The Rock would be very welcome in the summer if that's the plan. Other than that, call up JBL to make him Raw GM. I'd be fine with that. Polls are back. Vote: ------------ 
Note: If you're looking for Commentfest you can find it by clicking RIGHT HERE. It was posted Tuesday at 8pmET. ------------ Check me out on Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport and I'll make you a deal. When I reach 1000 followers (nearly at 800 right now) I will write a column called "The Top 100 WWE PPV matches from 2000 to 2009." I wrote the top 50 from 2000 to 2004 and re-posted it on the blog, but I haven't done the top 100 yet. If I get to 1000 twitter followers, I'll get to work on that column. That's a promise. Keep checking out the blog at johnreport.wordpress.com for daily content. I've got a stable of guest writers there, I post retro columns and also exclusive content for the blog only. One of the exclusives last week was my post about the debut of WWE NXT, which I enjoyed a lot. That's all for this week. Be back on the weekend with Talking Smack. Thanks for reading. John Canton - oratoryjohn@gmail.com Visit the blog: johnreport.wordpress.com Check out the petition to get me hired by WWE with over 600 signatures. Add me on Facebook at Facebook.com/thejohnreport and Twitter at Twitter.com/johnreport AOLIM: OratorJC MSN: oratoryjohn@hotmail.com Visit My Archives to view ten years of The John Report columns. |
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