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BF: #42: The RAW Fallacy TSI: #18 with Big Vito Lograsso, Part 2 The Links - Week Four OTC: 07/25/02 JMO: 19: Wrestling's Temporary Tag Teams Pt. 2
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The Oratory RAW Review Crew: 07/29/02
by: The Raw Review Crew on: 7/30/2002 6:50 pm est The Oratory RAW Recap for 7/29/02 � Once again it's the second day of the week, and like good little boys and girls, you've come running to big daddy Oratory for your twice-weekly fix of television recaps, opinions and heavyweight scoring. That, or you're here by accident, and we, as a collective, don't really resemble a big daddy in the least.�Regardless I'm your tour guide, heart of solid gold and all, the man they call drqshadow. And, as always, I'm here to waste a couple lines before the real stars of this show come onstage to do their special dance. � We're keeping the tradition alive this week, summing up all the warm fuzzies, cold pricklies, hugs and kisses we felt Monday night between 9 and 11PM, and squishing them all into one round number, ranging from one to ten. If we give a show a ten, it's the single greatest achievement man has ever reached. A ten is on par with the moon landing. On the other hand, if a show scrounges up a score of one... it's like the mark of the beast. Hell has come to earth, and we call it WWE RAW, if any episode ever deserves a one. So, to recap... ten = unending peace and friendship, and one = all your worst nightmares come to life in one hundred and twenty minutes. � Joining me, as usual, are my mighty partners in crime. Like those lame-ass kids from Captain Planet we stand, using our combined powers to summon the Oratory RAW Recap. Jay "Earth" Bower, Adam "Fire" Karabel, Roland "Wind" Geary, Justin "Water" T, and Dave "Heart" Spinosa. What the hell was Heart all about, anyway..? That kid really got ripped off when they were handing out super powers. But I've gone on for long enough. It's time for the main event, so let's kick this thang off with a few words from Mr. "Heart" himself, the author of And It's Like That, Dave Spinosa; � Dave: Raw is like so much better than Smackdown. Only because I review Raw of course. :) --What I was diggin'-- Benoit vs. RVD - Yes yes yes. Benoit is still God and last night's performance proved it. He did what very few have ever done and that's make RVD's offense look good. The Unamericans - I called it. When the Island Boyz debuted on Raw I said to myself "Why would they debut a tag team on Raw unless.." and that unless happened last night. Worked for me. Booker T vs. Eddy - Not what it could of been but a fine TV match. I don't know, I think the old WCW guys are having a hard time working with Book because they remember how he used to work and now his style is completely different. Or not. --What I wasn't diggin'-- HBK - Get the hell off my TV. HHH - Take him with you HBK. In all seriousness though, I dig the whole "who done it" thing but I hate these two fools. Mae Young and Moolah - Right. Way to promote someone's book...have her murdered on live TV. Chris Jericho - Why exactly? I guess they are gonna have Flair pass the torch to him or something? Oh yeah, that torch was put out by all the times Flair laid on it..1,2,3. Nice to have the old man Spinosa with us this week, his first with the crew. Let's follow up those fateful thoughts with a guy who's been here for each installment, Jay "Earth" Bower; Jay: Like all good things, I suppose the WWE's streak of entertaining broadcasts had to come to an end. The show certainly began with quite a bang as Eric Bischoff, the Raw brand's most entertaining on air character, comes to the ring to make the announcement as to who has jumped ship from the Smackdown roster. The "Anti-Americans" music hits and out comes Lance Storm, Christian, and Test, an awesome young faction who are fresh off a feud with Hulk Hogan and Edge. While I was happy to see the stable, I was a little bit pissed off because I thought that they were perfect for Smackdown and had a better chance of continued success on that roster. I also think this string of "stealing talent" is just counterproductive because if WWE really wanted to build two entirely different brands, they wouldn't be playing hot potato with talent on a week to week basis, because before too long people aren't even going to remember who is on what roster if things continue the way that they have been. A great promo by the Canadians including Christian's classic line "You Americans are too busy sucking down Big Macs and searching the net for your favorite porn sites" were interrupted by a charged up HBK who is really becoming quite the "babyface" as the kids like to say. Well lookie there, it's Eddy Guerrero and Booker T --after main eventing or being near the top for a month straight-- in a meaningless match at the bottom of the card. And next, well it's ANOTHER inter-gender tag match, ending in what appears to be yet another heel push for the Big Show, I guess they say 34th times a charm. The hardcore title match served it's function I suppose but was more of a tired genre. Rob Van Damn vs Chris Benoit!!! This was a match that net geeks and Apter-Mag leafing marks have been awaiting with equal anticipation since the return of Chris Benoit. A great ten minutes of action that I would give ***1/4 to if I was permitted to do so. Putting the title on Benoit was a little questionable in my opinion as RVD has been building steam by holding it for quite a while and with Chris Benoit, who is already perceived as a main eventer, picking it up, I don't know what good it really does him besides to hopefully start a new feud with RVD. The exchanges between Eric Bischoff and Mae Young and Moolah in the parking lot as well as the ring were hilarious as I am turning into a bigger Bischoff mark by the week. After about 45 seconds of Moolah painfully babbling in the ring, the Island Boyz hit the ring and I honestly thought that they were going to kill the two elderly women. There comes a point where WWE needs to ask itself if bodyslamming 80 year old directly on to their withered hips is really the best thing to be doing. Another nice way to establish the Island Boyz though I suppose. The Undertaker over Chris Nowinski in around eight seconds, grrrreat. The Rock comes out and delivers one of the weirdest promos of his career, looking skinny as hell to boot. The angle between HHH and HBK was pretty cool and a good way to build some suspense, although this really puts into question if HBK will actually be wrestling at SummerSlam now that he is apparently back on HHH's good side...unless it is all a DASTARDLY SET UP! Flair took on the Rock in a very respectable main event that saw North Carolina eating out of the Nature Boy's hand. The ending was a little weird with a fully recovered Flair standing in place while the Rock hit him with the Rock Bottom for the win but what can you do. Well, the show may have sounded good on paper and most seemed to enjoy it, but it proved to be a very bad sign for me. After a month and a half of ratings stabilizing and people actually beginning to tune in to Raw to see Booker T, Rob Van Damn, Eddy Guerrero, Chris Benoit and other new faces finally getting the chance to carry the show, look what we are back to. The Rock, HHH, The Undertaker, Chris Jericho, an in ring Ric Flair and The Big Show being perceived as the big guns on the show and plugged into the entirety of the top of the card. "Oh my Lord, they are on different rosters now!!!". Oh my Lord, it's the exact same show that the WWF/WWE has put on EVERY week for the last four years, and after a small ray of hope, it looks like nothing is ever going to change. Sure it's cool to have HBK back in the mix, but I am so incredibly burnt out on HHH, The Rock, The Taker, the Big Show and even Chris Jericho (let the stoning begin) that it just literally makes me tired to watch a show like this week's Raw. As the great Stephen King once said, "Hell is all about repetition Davey", and how right the man was. I'm sure a lot of people liked it, but I'll take John Cena, Brock Lesnar, Edge, Rey Jr and Kurt Angle any day of the week over that bunch. It's just a shame Smackdown lost Team Canada because they were on track to become one of the biggest heel groups in wrestling and now are probably on track to feud with people they have little hope of going over. Oh well, maybe "Slamball" can be my new entertainment, ha. Stressed and Tired, Grumpy from finals week, or genuinely disillusioned with the WWE product? YOU make the call! Coming back after a break for celebration and jubiliation, enjoying his birthday, here's Roland Geary, author of "Taking Center Stage" and carrier of the ring of Wind; Roland: So many good things to say.� I feel as if someone emptied a lake into my glass and categorized it as the WWE.� Am I nuts here or has there been entertaining professional wrestling on our television screens for two FULL consecutive weeks? � Slap me silly and call me Mae Young's love child, but I really enjoyed RAW again. � Ok, please don't call me Mae Young's love child.� Just accept the fact that wrestling is very good right now.� Don't critique it too much or pull apart the less than desireable segments.� It mae, ahum, may not be long before we have to put up with pre-Bischoff material again. � Yes, like drq and his llamas, I seem to be stuck in a Mae Young rut this week.� God help me now! � Guerrero/Booker T� was the first thing I saw.� (I was off buying some new dress clothes for my new job.� I'm a merchandiser for Gatorade if you care to know.)� � This match was intense, psychologically sound and the two participants were in good sync.� Great match with a nice 'clean' finish that put Booker T over and made us quickly forget about his loss to Benoit last week.� Two losses in a row to Guerrero doesn't tarnish his image in the least, so the finish was a good one. � I'm in high anticipation for a Trish/Big Show match to highlight WM next year.� Please sign it now and hype the hell out of it for nine months.� It'll be the hottest ticket next to Mae Young's Guide for Lovers book due to be selling out at your nearest Barnes and Noble. � What's up with Shawn?� I can smell a mystery storyline coming from a mile away.� Either that or the cat got caught under our car's hood again. � I LOVE THESE BACKSTAGE SEGMENTS! � Jeff Hardy is a solo star now! � GO TOMMY DREAMER!� I love him with the hardcore title.� Please keep it there and make him kick everyone's asses with his singapore cane.� I'm thinking we could have Hogan vs. Dreamer in a cane match at WM, but Hogan would obviously use a different sort of cane.� YEAH! � TEN MINUTES to Benoit and RVD.� Good match but it is only setting up for a SUMMERSLAM five star match between the two. � "The 3-Minute Rule" storyline is worth watching.� The "Island Boyz" are very impressive and I've always loved to see fat men fly.� Poor Mae Young, but did you see Moolah take that hit in the corner.� It'll take at least a week to find her choppers! � I was hoping beyond hope that Taker was going to severely rough up Bischoff.� It's good that Eric is semi-untouchable for right now.� I hate it when the 'top-dog' gets beat up week in and week out. � Anti-Americans rule and they are becoming THE stable in wrestling. � Thank you Rock for finally telling the world all about Coach's secret dirty laundry.� We need more segments like that and less five star matches between Benoit and RVD.� � Triple H and Shawn Michaels are building up the perfect mystery angle.� I think I know where this is all heading, but I bet it'll be entertaining as long as its well written.� I'm looking forward to this angle developing. � That was a pretty perfect little circle in that window, huh?� Lotsa' blood! � Rock and Flair was great.� I really really loved the match and the ending was booked and written PERFECTLY.� We anticipate a HUGE announcement from Flair only to have the show end with a Jericho run-in, viscious chair shot and a spectacular announcement from Raw Is Jericho himself. � Makes you want to tune in to Smackdown to see what happens next.� � IM LOVING THIS DAMMIT! � ...and who was I kidding, thinking everybody would show up this week? Our broadcast is severely lacking "water" and "fire", but it's still got some Q. I guess it's my turn to wrap things up, so here goes nothing; drq: Kind of an offbeat night, but a fun offbeat night all the same. I was tickled pink to see the cleverly named "UnAmericans" making the jump to Monday night, as that means more Storm and Christian for me, but I'm worried about the repurcussions. Here's hoping I don't lose my Eddy or Chris fix to those savages over on the Smackdown council, though one or the other seems almost inevitable. Despite their contrived name and almost universal label as midcarders, these Canadian troops were booked as a more threatening stable than even the mighty nWo last night. And, if they hadn't blown their most vital spot all night, it would've gone off without a flaw, too. The promo to open the night, the cohesiveness of the team, it was almost picturesque... and then Test picked up the Undertaker for that Con-Chair-To. Man... if you listened closely, you could almost hear the sound of their heat suffocating. I guess we all learned an important lesson last night, though; if, god forbid, you screw up a big spot, don't make it even worse by looking around with a bewildered expression on your face. Do it again, and double the ferocity. So yeah, I'm really happy with the direction they've taken as far as booking the Canadians. Here's hoping they didn't kill their own chances already. Benoit vs. RVD... well, what do I need to say that hasn't been said before. A very nice match, with the Crippler teaching some brutal lessons in psychology. How sick was that hammerlock suplex, especially when Van Dam left the arm back there after landing. Looked like he dislocated his shoulder, even though deep down I knew he hadn't. Of course, it's a pity the Hardcore one landed his Rolling Thunder directly on that same shoulder without a flinch, but... how much can you really ask for? Great match, with the right man going over. This will be a stellar, stellar PPV rematch. Finally, the main event that almost defies description. It's like they tried to mimic the feeling we got with Hogan / Rock at X8, only in about a quarter of the time. Flair looked useless at the finish, laying out the great one, dancing, and then staring like a deer into headlights as the Rock Bottom put him down. Add to that the memorably fickle crowd, and you've got a match that just... feels.... weird. One minute, they'd be booing Rocky as though he'd just eaten a newborn, the next they'd be chanting his name. I guess that's why they're always so careful to flesh out face vs. face matchups, and don't usually throw them onto the card at the last minute. RAW is Jericho? I've heard it somewhere before, but I'm just as excited as before. Great to see his chances at leading the stable that could make him a legend didn't leave town with the UnAmericans. Y2J vs. Ric Flair? I've been waiting five years for this, and it's not in any position to disappoint. Oh, and my call for the HBK thing..? It's leading to a tag match at Summerslam. I'll expand with a feature length column later in the week. It's a nice, round number. So that gives us four scores; 7, 3.5, 8.75 and 7.85, which my friendly app PORNOCALCULATOR.EXE tells me, gives us a sensual, erotic total of; A step down from the last two weeks, where we gave RAW a 7.6666666 and a 7.34, but still a very respectible number. Tell me, are we becoming too adjusted to the new, watchable programming? On behalf of Dave, Jay, Justin, Adam and Roland, I'm drqshadow saying thanks for reading and we'll see you next week. Hopefully the rest of the Planeteers will show up and we'll have a full roster for the first time in, well..... ever... 
The Oratory RAW Review Crew |
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